Building Inclusive Nonprofit Boards | How to Recruit Diverse Board Members for Your Nonprofit

“Wow, you have a stumpy thumb…just like your Dad.”

My teenager and I were having a discussion and somehow the topic turned to our thumbs.

I looked at my thumb and then I looked at their thumb. I noticed that our kid has the same “stumpy thumb” as their father.

My partner is a handsome person. And he does have a “stumpy thumb,” which isn’t his best feature!

At that moment, I noticed that our kid has the stumpy thumb too. And I blurted that out, without thinking.

(Later our kid shared that they did research to find out that this is called a “clubbed thumb” and occurs in less than 2-3% of the population. What uniqueness!)

I’ll admit it -- I like my thumb. It is nice and round, and it looks like a better thumb!

Whoops.

Our teenager was offended. Everything I said to try to explain got me deeper in hot water. Why was I comparing our thumbs? Why was I expressing “thumb superiority”?  Why couldn’t I appreciate each thumb for itself, without comparing?

Recently my consulting partner Christal Cherry and I led a session on Building a Kind and Inclusive Culture on Nonprofit Boards and Teams.

We used the story of the thumbs to talk about kindness at the board table – and on teams --and why it can be so difficult.

As humans, we are wired for comparison, bias, and judgement.

We look at others, and our brains “naturally” ask, “How is this person like me? How is this person different from me? How am I better or worse?”

Some have speculated that there was an evolutionary advantage to quickly determining whether someone was “in our tribe” and therefore a “safe” person, or in another tribe, and potentially a source of danger.

We notice differences. Research has shown that kids as early as 2 or 3 begin to ask questions about why people have different skin colors.

For this reason, it doesn’t make sense to say, “I don’t see race.” It cannot be true. Our brains see all of this. At least in today’s society.

Interestingly enough, this concept of ‘race,’ or, “the idea that the human species is divided into distinct groups on the basis of inherited physical and behavioral differences,” is a relatively new concept (Encylopedia Britannica: Race). This idea of race started in the 15th century, which coincides with the beginning of the Renaissance, transitioning us from the Middle Ages to modern times. It is further reinforced by popular culture, media, and social media, which so often creates stereotypes about individuals who are “different” from the most privileged identity.

Even still, it was a generalized definition until the late 17th century, somewhere between 1660 and 1690; when American colonial leaders implemented a system for free labor: permanent enslavement (Encyclopedia Britannica: The History of the Idea of Race). Effectively, the creation of the concept of ‘race’ is solely for the purpose of racism.

This is also why Abram X. Kendi wrote about, “How to be an anti-racist” as an active process. For so many of us, the water we are swimming in is misogynistic, racist, homophobic, and inequitable. It is up to each of us to actively move towards a world that affirms and honors all people and insures that all people have the opportunity to thrive.

Take for example the story of Jane Elliott, a third-grade teacher in Iowa, who turned her classroom into an experiment the day after Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated. This was later re-created in an ABC News Documentary in 1970 entitled, “The Eye of the Storm.” The 26-minute video might be better known as the ‘brown eye/blue eye’ experiment, creating an Us Versus Them dynamic in the room to illustrate to a class of white children what discrimination means.

It's easy to see that I accidentally happened upon this same effect with my kid and the unique thumb! As silly as this reference might be, there’s a lesson in its simplicity. Maybe not just for my teenager, but also for me – and, hopefully for you as well.

The good news is that humans are also wired for collaboration and empathy.

This is further illustrated in the linked video above (starting around the 21-minute mark). The kids endured a brutal experiment, but also experienced a hint of the effects of discrimination. They learned empathy through it – you can see how it affected them in a Frontline episode from 1985, entitled “A Class Divided” (from about 20:12-26:32).

In a more relatable sense, when we are able to listen to one another’s stories, we feel more connected to one another. With that, we are able to find ways to collaborate across difference.

So don’t assume that kindness “comes naturally.” Often, it takes active effort.

And do understand creating opportunities for sharing stories is a way to expand empathy – and move towards equity.