How moving from competition to collaboration deliciously expands the pie
Recently one of our kids got some scores back from a standardized test.
Our kid received a great score! I felt proud to be their mom. (I have philosophical issues with standardized tests and I love being a proud mom.)
But our child only partially felt proud. What our teen said was, “I know I did well, but I’m thinking of my friend, who probably did better than me.”
Ouch! I could feel the sting of these words. I wanted to tell our teen that it doesn’t matter how well their friend did on the test – that there is enough for everyone. And this feels true and not true.
Most of all, as our child said this, I understood. Because I felt the same way myself as a young person:
Growing up as a socially awkward, geeky girl, I imagined that my worth came from getting the best grades. I imagined that if I could do better than everyone else, I would be better than everyone else.
Guess what? It did not work! I did well in school AND there was always some next level, some person who was better at a certain subject. I could not win the competition – because, as I have learned as an adult, that model of looking at life does not work.
Truly, feeling that I was only valuable if I was the best created a burden. Did I have no value if I was second best? (And what does ‘best’ even mean?)
Shifting Away from Competition
Recently, a prospective client asked us how we “stand out” from competitors.
As I heard the question, I felt irritated. “Please stop putting the burden on us to be ‘the best’! It does not mean anything, anyway!”
But I restrained myself and spoke about shifting from “competitive advantage” to “collaborative advantage,” which we have been sharing with clients and strategic planning students.
Why we have stopped talking about competitive advantage
You may be aware that a lot of the metaphors and images from strategic planning originally come from the language of war! ☹
We believe that words matter, so want to use words that describe the reality we would like to see – a world of peace in which all people thrive.
Last year we wrote about The Sum of Us and steps to moving towards an abundant shared future – in which we move away from the “Zero Sum” idea that one person’s (or race’s) win is another group’s loss.
Concretely: We encourage our clients to expand the pie and think about their Collaborative Advantage.
What is Your Collaborative Advantage?
We encourage each client to think about their collaborative advantage. As we have written before, the most impactful action that organizational leaders can take is to “figure out who you are” – to notice and acknowledge the best work you are already doing and figure out how to do more of that.
Collaborative Advantage is relational – we know who we are and what we do well, which makes it easier to collaborate with others and support each other in moving towards a better community and world.
The Ross Collective’s Collaborative Advantage
In fact, our strategic planning process has some collaborative advantages:
We utilize a proven strategic planning process that we have used to successfully create strategic plans for many different organizations.
We focus on equity and inclusion. The leadership of each planning process incorporates a variety of lived experiences.
We are not afraid to have challenging conversations that will shift culture and move towards change.
We incorporate a balance of reflection and action as well as fiscal and programmatic analysis.
But isn’t competition real?
It would be ridiculous to tell competitors in any sports competition (like a football game) that “we can all be winners.” There is some truth to the feeling of scarcity or competition:
The Ross Collective regularly “competes” to be selected for strategic planning processes. We sometimes “win” and we sometimes “lose.” When we are not selected, we do feel disappointed.
Some nonprofits are selected for funding from large institutional funders or large donors. Some are not selected! Some organizations get more attention for their work, others struggle more to do this.
Yes, competition is real. It is not always a bad thing – it can motivate people to push towards goals and achieve great accomplishments.
What Values Do We Want to Bring to Strategy and Life?
Like so many things, this comes back to values.
We want to bring the value of affirming every human. Of noticing the value that each person is bringing to a conversation. That is why we design processes that honor and affirm the wisdom of each group member.
That perspective is important internally, as many of our conversations are with particular teams within an organization. Collaboration is obvious in that setting.
However, finding collaborative advantages in a ‘competitive landscape,’ with other organizations that might have similar missions, creates an interesting dynamic.
Which is what makes this exercise challenging. In the nonprofit space, collaboration, or working together, is critical to our success. We find this in many different ways, whether it be in seeking volunteers, partner organizations, or various funding sources. There are always limits to what we can do, so similar organizations can support each other to find mutual success.
And that’s why this is important!
Three steps to live into your Collaborative Advantage:
Dig into the personal and organizational stories that animate your work. (Some of ours are here and here.)
Take some time to build organizational values and reflect on how well you are living them.
Identify opportunities for collaboration and partnership, so that you don’t have to do everything but can do more of your highest value work.
It took me many years to figure out my intrinsic motivators. Obviously, my teenager has to find that as well. I have long expressed the importance of knowing who you are – the lesson learned about finding myself and my path. Now I can move with confidence and understand how critical it is to work with others to achieve my goals.
Looking back, I wish I had known that those test scores weren’t as important as I thought. And that being a supportive friend regardless of those outcomes is truly the spirit of collaboration.