Most days as the day ends, I hug each of our kids and sing each of them a personal goodnight song. Even though they are teenagers, each of them still wants their bedtime routines and it is one of the sweetest times of the day for me.

As I sing to each child, my heart is filled with love. I feel so proud of this growing person and blessed by our relationship.

But sometimes, in the middle of a perfect moment, a thought pops into my head. “What is the world we’re handing off to you?” In the middle of all this contentment and bliss, I’m struck by concern and grief.

 

To be alive right now, in 2024, is to hold grief and love

Anyone who feels love right now – towards a child, a pet, a family member, a mountain range, a forest, a city, a culture, or a history – is also feeling grief and uncertainty.

Democracy. Climate crisis. Racial violence. Global instability, wars, and death. Mental health. Poverty.

This is a series on leadership – individual, organizational and community. The first step of that leadership is acknowledging what people are feeling – especially, and first, yourself!

We know that our readers are people who care about building a world in which all people can thrive, and we build a hopeful future together.

To acknowledge how far we are from that now is hard. It hurts. It is not a one-time pain – more like a dull ache that keeps chipping away at us.

As we’ve shared before, if this blog had a tagline, it would be, “Finding Hope in Challenging Times,” or, “How can we build a hopeful shared future together?”

So how do we become an individually resilient leader? Here are three questions to move towards resilient leadership:

1.  How do I pace myself and take rest?

Over the past year, I have been going to The Bar Method classes three to four times weekly – in addition to running twice a week.

The Bar Method is a ballet-inspired course with lots of stretching and strengthening.

Because I have no background in dance, each class is challenging and humbling. I put every other part of my day aside and I am completely focused on the class exercises. It is a mindfulness practice.

What I have noticed is that when I come back to my work, I am more focused and present. This is a practice for physical strength – and mental health!

Along the same lines, I am working on paying more attention to my energy and resting when I need to. Our work leading inclusive conversations can be emotionally intense and physically draining. I have a certain amount of energy, then I need to rest.

Here I want to mention the work of Tricia Hersey and Rest is Resistance. Hersey talks about how capitalism has exploited individual bodies for profit. And how we resist this by resting when we need to rather than falling into burnout.

 

2.  What brings me to life?

We frequently get questions about how we got to the point of doing meaningful work that brings life. One answer, which we’ve written about here, here, and even in our most recent post, is that we have made a lot of wrong turns. 😊

Mistakes don’t create life, however, but do make for an interesting journey! More positively, I continue to reflect on the work environment and the kind of work that is most fulfilling for me.

I have found it powerful to use assessments like the CliftonStrengths to get insight on our individual strengths and develop them. Which is one of many aids we have in boosting organizations.

But, for me, seeing that ‘click’ – when someone or an organization gains the tools necessary to capitalize on their greatest strengths – brings me alive. Straightening out the kinks, as it were, so that people and organizations can develop and excel is what I enjoy doing.

That’s obviously different for everyone, but I encourage you to take the time to figure out what gives you life in what you’re doing.

[We lead these conversations with teams, too – so reach out if you would like us to lead a conversation around strengths with your team as a part of strategic planning and organizational change.]

3.  Who do I want joining me on the path?

When I left my office job almost ten years ago, a family member suggested it might feel solitary working “on my own.”

It has hardly felt that way! Being someone who values relationships, I have a traveling band of mentors, colleagues, and networks supporting my work as I support theirs.

Mentors – as a beginner facilitator, I got some coaching from Jane Stallman and later from Darcy Smith, season organizational change consultants. Now I occasionally reach out to my “strategic planning coach,” Morrie Warshowski, who has helped to untangle challenging client situations. Much of strategic planning is pattern recognition. So it helps to work with someone who has seen many more patterns!

Colleagues – I am blessed to be supported and learn alongside many fabulous people. Some I speak with every other week, others I connect with quarterly or once a year.  Having these people in my court means that I am not alone with a question or hard situation – and we help and boost each other.

 Networks – I just finished serving on the Alliance for Nonprofit Management board. I am part of the Technology of Participation Network. And I am a member of Golden Gate AFP.

 

In summary – as we begin a new year, we should each be thinking about how to strengthen our leadership and become more resilient. Here are three valuable questions:

1. How do I pace myself and take rest?

2. What brings me to life?

3. Who do I want joining me on the path?

Those nightly musings as I sing to my children to end their day might sometimes include concerns and grief. However, I’m left with a feeling of confidence in them to be resilient and find their path in these difficult times. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to impart the skills I’m sharing with them as well, to equip them on their journey. And when they take a wrong turn – as we all do at times – I envision that there will be a community of loved ones around them with a song and a hug.