From Renee: We’re continuing our series on Healthy Leadership with this post from Yanira Guzman exploring “How do I lead, while maintaining my sanity?”

“Nira, you make it look so easy.”

Several of my friends have made this statement to me over the years. I get it; from their perspective, they see the following:

• I am a career-driven mother with two school-aged children.

• I am a community leader - serving as an elected official for my school district’s board.

• I am a FT Executive Coach solopreneur - helping Latinas own their expertise, increase their income that benefits themselves, their families, and their communities.

And despite the multiple leadership positions I hold, I still have time for fun.  Because of this, my friends wonder, “How do I do it?  How do I lead while maintaining my sanity?”

It took me some time to be able to answer their questions. I reflected and realized that it came down to one thing: putting myself first - and by that, I mean setting boundaries.

Like many women, I used to do “too much” and tried to please too many people. It was difficult for me to say no to friends, family, and colleagues. But, my failure to say “no” resulted in burnout and unhappiness. I wasn’t feeling wonderful feelings. I was grumpy, cranky, and unpleasant to be around. There came a time when that way of feeling no longer worked for me. It was at that point that I decided to change; I decided to put my health - my physical, mental, social, and emotional health - first.

What did I do to make this transformation?

I started implementing - what I now call - my grounding and/or spiritual practices.

I feed my spirit: I tend to my faith.

Although I grew up attending church, as life became more hectic in adulthood, I stopped going. However, over the years, I knew and felt something was missing. Taking advice from a woman that I met at a community event, I shared with her that I was looking for a new place of worship. She suggested that I go “church shopping” and give each place that I attend “three visits” before I make a decision, whether I was going to decide if that place would be my new place of worship. I attended two separate churches before settling on the one that I now call my church home. In my church, I’ve developed a stronger relationship with God. I don’t feel like I need to be someone that I am not. I don’t feel like I’m judged. Rather, I am accepted as my imperfect self. Because of this feeling of acceptance, I block my Sunday mornings to attend church. I am not attending church out of obligation, but because of want. I want to be there. I’m there to learn, to feel, and to be at peace with myself, with others, and with the greater world.

I feed my physical body: I move.

In addition, I make time for exercise. I actively practice yoga and walk. I know that I exercise best when in groups - if shelter in place taught me anything during Covid - it’s that when it comes to physical activity, I need community to stay accountable. I joined a local yoga studio and attend its classes at least three times a week. I also have a walking buddy - another career-driven mother - that lives in my neighborhood and we walk together frequently. We schedule time on our calendars during the workday - to get out for an hour walk. Again, knowing that I have another person who is expecting me to show up for our “walking date” keeps me accountable. It also gives me a dose of fresh air, vitamin D, and lively conversations.

I feed my emotions: I journal.

Although my parents and older siblings love me dearly, we didn’t grow up expressing our feelings freely. Growing up as a first-generation daughter of Mexican immigrants, we were taught to “échale ganas” (a.k.a.: give it your all or work hard) to earn income for our survival. Many times, the mentality to work hard was internalized to keep going and not slow down. Acknowledging and/or talking about feelings meant slowing down, which we didn’t know how to do. As a result, I kept going and going, suppressing many feelings - especially the low-vibration feelings. Although I was feeling shame, embarrassment, disappointment, and fear, I didn’t understand them. I didn’t know how to express those feelings. 
Yet, I knew I needed to express my feelings, so I started journaling. Through my journaling, I acquired the language to share what I was really feeling inside. Journaling became my form of expression. My journals allow me to document and let out all the good, the bad, and the ugly that I feel throughout my life. As a result, I have years worth of journals. I often go back and reread what I wrote, and, in doing so, I see and acknowledge the personal growth that I’ve undergone. It truly is remarkable.

How do I maintain my grounding practices?

I live by my calendar. With the exception of journaling, I block time off on my calendar to attend church or church events, yoga classes, and walking dates. The minute I realize that my body, my emotions, or my mental state begins to fray, I can look at my calendar and visually see that I stopped or slowed my grounding practices. I’ll visually see that I didn’t attend exercise classes or that I didn’t meet my friend for our walks because it’s missing from my calendar. When this happens, it is a clear indicator that I chose to forget myself and my needs due to other external sources - usually work. I decided a long time ago that work isn’t my life; my life will influence my work and not the other way around. As such, when I notice this pattern, I don’t shame myself for not doing what I said I was going to do. I merely hit the figurative “reset” button and begin my grounding practices again.

So, when my friends make the comment “Nira, you make it look so easy,” I can now confidently tell them, “I refuse to put myself last again. I refuse to sacrifice my health based on the opinions of others.” By centering and feeding my needs, I am a better person, mother, community leader, and solopreneur, and I show up as that.

Closing from Renee: As we hear from these powerful women in the workplace, there are similarities in the way they approach self-care. Please, refer back to our guest post by Chrystal Morris Murphy and the ways she tends to her personal needs. Then find the things that you can implement so you can maintain your sanity like Nira! If your personal experience is different, please share - that can be helpful for some of our readers as well.

In our next post, we’ll shift from healthy individual practices to practices for strong organizational leadership.