How do white people talk about race in a way that opens up the conversation and builds belonging?

This question came up in a recent presentation I gave on holding inclusive meetings.

I wanted to share two concrete tips to do this in leading meetings, workshops, or presentations.

Tip 1: When I introduce myself, I specifically mention that I am a white consultant. Why?

The default context for most professional environments, nonprofit or for-profit, is whiteness. One of the norms of whiteness is to not mention race. (For more about this, read my recent essay on why every meeting should mention race and equity.)

By mentioning my race, I'm signaling that I see and acknowledge race – that Black, Indigenous, Latinx, Asian-American, and other People of Color have had different experiences on the basis of race, specifically have been historically and systematically disadvantaged in terms of access to wealth, power, education, and health.

There's nothing racist or impolite about saying that. It's telling the truth – a truth that needs to be acknowledged in moving towards solutions.

And by naming myself as a white consultant, I aim to open up space for People of Color, who are impacted by their lived experience of racism, to talk about their experiences too.

Tip 2: Expect and accept discomfort.

One idea I’ve taken away from a course from the Rise Center for Racial Justice is that white people will only have the ability to open up conversations on race when we expect and accept discomfort much more.

A key component of holding a privileged identity, such as white, male, heterosexual, or cisgender, is that those holding that identity don’t have to think about the power they hold. In contrast, those not holding privileged identities are frequently aware of how the world is not designed for them, and how those with privilege often wield power over them.

Deborah Plummer, a psychologist and professor who works on racial equity, expresses the need to examine discomfort eloquently in a recent piece, entitled, appropriately, This Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable. As Plummer reminds us:

“Discomfort is a natural aspect of any learning process. Even geniuses, gurus, star athletes, great musicians, top artists, saints, prophets, and pretty much every one learns this way. No discomfort, no learning.”

Plummer uses the analogy of going through surgery and understanding that this surgery will include some pain in order to ultimately feel better.

But as I thought about the experience of talking about race, a different analogy came to mind: giving birth.

What I learned in birthing class many years ago is that the pain of birthing a baby is a miraculous gift that tells us to put everything else aside and pay attention.

Whether or not you have birthed a baby, you have certainly cut your finger or stubbed your toe. And you, too, know that pain is a gift – it is telling us to pay attention.

So that pain that white people may notice when we feel guilty or ashamed or called out – the purpose of that pain is to pay attention and to figure out what to do next – and what actions we as a society need to take to move towards change.

I think it is important to note that my experience stating that I am a white consultant has never yielded any kind of confrontation. These tips, however, stretch beyond that of our professional worlds. An article from YaleNews posted last year entitled It’s never too early to talk with children about race goes into greater details on the subject. It also shares ideas from Yale experts that it is imperative that parents recognize and talk about race and racism with kids from an early age to prevent racism from taking root. It further talks about how avoiding race conversations is form of white privilege.

We move towards inclusion, belonging and change inside our families, teams and organizations when we choose the path of discomfort and growth.